Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Ohmygod you guys. I can’t wait to tell you how outrageously/surprisingly well last week’s visioning and personal ads turned out.

Let’s see what needs to be planted for this coming week and then I will need to boggle over this some more. With you. Eeeeee! I am so astounded/pleased! And I’d be turning cartwheels if I knew how. If you know how, please do one in the comments and I will watch in wide-eyed appreciation.

Okay. This week. Let’s do this.

Thing 1: We shall be chill and defrazzle.

Here’s what I want:

The credit for this just-right statement — a motto for our times! — goes to the wonderful @vicarpac who knows what I like

I would like to live by this over the course of the coming week. And year, really. Because is that not kind of the point of the upcoming Year of Emptying & Replenishing?

So I want the spirit of this statement to infuse everything I do. I want December to be about this. And I want to play with how.

The qualities inside of the want:

Quiet. Coziness. Gemütlichkeit. Calm. Pleasure. Sweetness. Steadiness.

And of course the superpower of Grounded Enthusiasm, which is, coincidentally or not, also the secret superpower of Stompopolis.

Ways this might work:

It could just work. I am invoking it!

I’m playing with…

Thinking about what being chill and defrazzling might look and feel like. It seems like candles are appropriate. Also there should be snacks!

A long bath might be a good thing too.

Thing 2: Watching the barns burn.

Here’s what I want:

To stand and watch the barns burn.

With a glass of whiskey in my hand and a smile on my face.

Not grieving the barns. Not rejoicing over their fiery implosions. Just watching and saying, “Yup. Those were my barns and now they are not my barns anymore. Not mine and not barns. Now I don’t have to do any of the things that were in the barns.”

* Important note! No animals were injured in the imaginary burning of symbolic barns.

These are empty barns, that I happen to own. In my imagination.

Or maybe not empty but full of projects that I was kind of half-planning on half-working-on someday but more enjoying the imagining that I would do them than actually wanting to do them.

I don’t know if any of that makes sense but it seemed like some sort of disclaimer was in order.

Is this also related to what BHJ said? “Believe the craziest things. Tell no one what they are. And wait. Wait for the world to kiss you on the mouth.” I think it might be. This is important.

The qualities inside of the want:

Deconstruction. Destruction. Reconfiguring. Newness. Birth. Discovery. Laughter. Trust. Faith. Wonder. Dissolving. Potential. Possibility. Strength. Pleasure. Simplicity. Completion.

The superpower of remembering phoenix rising from the ashes while not caring whether or how this will happen.

Ways this might work:

Maybe I will tell barn stories this week. Who knows.

I mean, Barbara Sher and Haruki Murakami have written about barns burning, and now my subconscious wants to turn the thing that was very painful into a thing where I watch barns burn. So there might be something useful here.

I can stay inside the metaphor and play there.

I’m playing with…

Creating safety for a potentially difficult thing.

Sitting with the void and not trying to fill it. Watching and waiting. And laughing at how cosmically hilarious it is. Yes, this thing that past-me built in order that it might burn is now burning.

Thing 3: Help with and/or from the Magical Badger Brigade.

Here’s what I want:

I want to rendezvous with various magical badgers and not get completely overwhelmed.

This has to do with my simultaneous need for and dislike of getting things out of my head and onto paper.

I want help sorting ALL THE THINGS into “Okay, Havi Bell. Here is the one thing that you are playing with right now.” That is the magical badger of the Order of the Red Flashlights, taking me to the exact-right tree in the forest.

And also I want to write about some of various realizations and noticings that have come up through this process.

The qualities inside of the want:

Order. Sweetness. Companionship. Comfort. Shelter. Guidance. Autonomy. Serendipity. Grace. Ease. Presence. Silliness. Play.

Ways this might work:

The First Mate and I could sit down with the giant Tree Naming page that I made this weekend and come up with a plan to test.

I’m playing with…

The idea that I can like this even though right now I’m resisting it.

There is a way (many possible ways, in fact) to make this fun. And I will find it. Making not-fun things fun is one of my superpowers that I always forget about.

Thing 4: Delighted enthusiasm for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.

Here’s what I want:

Gigantic enthusiasm and glee and movement for our sale sails.

In 2013 I am setting off on a voyage called the Year of Emptying & Replenishing.

And I am tremendously obsessed with how important this is. The word that I keep waking up with and tripping over is VITALITY. There is something vital and alive in this experience.

Anyway, I want delighted enthusiasm. In many forms. In the form of people continuing to happily come aboard! Also in the form of general enthusiasm and excitement and happiness-for-the-voyage.

And in the form of me living by these principles even before the voyage sets sail.

The qualities inside of the want:

Flowering. Readiness. Right Timing. Delight. Glee. Pleasure. Joy. Wonder. Hopefulness. Trust. Steadiness. Smiling. Sparkling. Radiance. Wind. Horizon. Possibility. Spreading. Grounding. Voyaging. Potentiality. Sweetness.

Ways this might work:

I will tell you about what it is!

Here is the page: https://fluentself.com//replenish

And here is the PASSWORD: compass

I can also put up an announcement at the Floop or in the Frolicsome Bar.

I’m playing with…

Conducting. Compassing and encompassing. Living by the essence of what this year is all about. Paying attention. Being receptive. Trying things.

Noticings about the things I want this week…

The asks are all very serious, but there’s also this really palpable desire for playfulness and laughter. It’s as if I know that lightheartedness and not taking the serious too seriously is the door right now. I find that comforting. Especially as it hasn’t really been available to me over the past few months of challenge and pain.

Bonus wishes, please!

Some of these are secret agent code and some of them are things I’m silent retreat-ing on. Some are qualities that will help. And some are almost pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

• Finding clews everywhere.
• Remembering to pause (paws!).
• Lights.
• Hannukah means DEDICATION. Dedicating things.
• Harmonizing and congruencing. Also: pre-congruencing! Moving things out that are not yet stagnant but probably will be in a month or two. Trusting instincts on this without having to understand why or what for.
• More things that are soothing. Many forms of being rocked. But not like at a concert. Rocked like a baby. Rocked like the frog.
• More flowers.
• V’kol tomcheha me’ushar… and other happy solutions related to the Tree of Life.
• A real fake beach day, please. If that makes sense.

I’m playing with…

Laughing when I can.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

You guys! I am absolutely astounded by what happened this week. I asked for an end to the drama, not thinking that there would be one. Because, come on, that’s other people being in their stuff. I have absolutely no control over that.

So that was Sunday night, and then Monday morning I woke up and everything was different. The drama wasn’t over. But suddenly the situation was kind of funny. Not horrendously painful as it has been. Just cosmically absurd. And so I laughed.

And then someone else responded to the drama in a way that was calm, measured, steady and loving. And then the outside drama died down too. Or maybe it didn’t. I don’t know. But I can’t feel it anymore. And I am smiling again, and this feels good.

Next I wanted vibrant fiery orange as a stand-in for people to talk to about the painful thing. And that happened too!

I wore my pumpkin orange sweater and went out for drinks with Dana. Kyle showed up in orange sneakers. I poured out the stories of the hard thing and then it wasn’t as awful anymore.

Then I wanted the whisper-brunch for the Year of Emptying & Replenishing (password: compass) and I wasn’t sure if that would happen or if it needed way more time. But then it all somehow came together and I was able to tell people on Thursday.

Also all my tiny-asks came true, including more people to play with on our facebook page and also remembering the compass (I remembered at exactly the right moment too).

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.

xox