What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Thoughts and notes about thoughts and notes.
So I spent all last week at Rally (Rally!) and it was Rally #10, and it was marvelous.
And I thought it would be fun okay maybe not fun but useful? interesting? to take a bunch of notes about how it went and then share them with you.
In the spirit of the spangly Revue review.
Wait!
Except that as soon as I started, my fuzzball monsters went into Extreme Disapproval Mode because a) what if I bore people to death and b) all my good notes are at the Playground so I might forget all the important parts and then what’s the point!?!!?
So here’s the plan.
I’m writing up some thoughts to put here. And the monsters and I can have a little chat in the margins while I do this, just like we would at Rally. And maybe I’ll share some of that with you later, if they’re up for it.
In the meantime, REVUE! Let’s do it. In no particular order.
New traditions that showed up at this Rally.
Puffball fights in the hammock!
I’m not even sure what this means.
But there were puffballs. Neon puffballs. And a hammock. And somehow this turned into a thing.
I don’t know where this is going. Mud wrestling? Bubble wars? It’s hard to say.
Also the best part of this was that Chuck was at Rally! And she was the one who had sent us the hammock for the Refueling Station! Which she had never used! Awesome.
And a continuation of fairly recent traditions.
Extreme Fairy Door Play.
Like with all good traditions and customs, the Moving of the Fairy Door has gradually become more and more baroque.
It used to be that if you saw the fairy door, you’d put it somewhere else.
But now we’ve upped the ante and have been outdoing each other by placing it in the most hilarious, unusual and creative places.
Much of my time this Rally was spent cracking up every time I discovered the fairy door in another unlikely-to-ridiculous location. Or not being able to find it at all and having to go search for it. Fun!
The addition of evening Shiva Nata.
We started this at the last Rally. Not an official class. Just ten minutes of extra Shiva Nata.
And splitting things up so the morning class is more mind-bendy and the later one is just silly crazed flailing to music.
People can join in or just watch or do a little of both. As you wish.
I’ve been doing this after the old Turkish lady yoga and before the Chickening. And it’s absolutely amazing. Energizing and silly and really, really powerful, all at the same time.
Extra bonus superpowers.
During the chicken we do a thing called Schmurphling, during which we get to choose superpowers that we want (unless we decide to go all silent retreat, which is always an option).
And at the last Rally, people wanted extra bonus superpowers. And why not?
So this time I just included that in the schmurphling and we did extra bonus superpowers for anyone who wanted some. Love it. This is a keeper.
Some interesting things about Rally #10.
Lunch being more casual.
Fewer group lunches and more of people doing their own thing or going off in twos and threes.
More sharing of the Refueling Station.
At past rallies, sometimes you’d see someone napping and someone else on the bean bag chair blowing bubbles, but this time there was hanging out in the refueling station. That was new.
Skewing a bit older?
We usually get a pretty broad mix of ages. Anywhere from 25-65 is pretty normal, though we’ve had both younger and older as well.
This wasn’t a large rally so I don’t know if this is a thing or not, but half of our rallions were over fifty. And they all seemed to have more energy than me! Huh.
Some things we changed for this Rally.
Let’s see.
I did a lot of systems documentation.
We added new bulletin boards in the Galley, specifically for people to put up business cards. If you’ve been to a previous Rally or a Shiva Nata training and you want me to put up your card, just mail it to us!
And we took some video of me teaching Shiva Nata on the first day (just me, not the students), though I don’t know if I’m going to use it for anything.
Thoughts and ideas for future Rallies.
1. Something to do with qualities.
I pretty much constantly find myself invoking qualities of Rally and the Playground.
Things like:
Play. Creativity. Support. Spaciousness. Sovereignty. Flexibility. Agility. Adaptability. Harmony. Curiosity. Delight. Wonder. Reflection. Safety. Trust. Flow. Experimentation. Inclusivity. Light-heartedness. Love. Courage. Focus. Inspiration. Possibility.
So many! I think I might put them up on the wall of the Refueling Station on little cards.
2. Filling in the PLUM. Especially the foods section.
The Playground User Manual (aka the PLUM) is still my favorite thing ever.
I love walking into the Playground and seeing someone sprawled on the floor, poring over it. And then using stuff from it later, and having magical results.
There are still some sections that need a lot of work, and I think it’s time for the Section of Yum to get some love.
Especially with more people doing lunch on their own. Maybe I’ll write up some favorite places. Or ask other people to make pages for theirs.
Or make a short list of all the gluten-free stuff on the street. Stuff like that.
Stray observations.
We totally need a Talking Room. When we get a building, I’m going to make sure there’s a way to do that.
In the meantime, I think we’re going to have to make more use of the storage room closet in the hall for that.
What I worked on
My personal focus/theme/project/mission for this Rally ended up being called Revue and Revenue.
And it was all about learning about and tracking the connections. Asking slightly future me what happens in my business when I spend more time on Entry and Exit. More time documenting what happens as I work.
It was very interesting.
It turns out there are more connections than I’d thought, and that this process of Revue-ing and Reviewing is a really big deal not just for my business but for me, personally and for everything I do.
And that sharing the notes is important too.
Favorite part?
Oh so hard to decide!
The Wednesday evening wine and cheesening was absolutely lovely.
The fits of giggles were many.
The Adoration of the Butt-monsters was intense and hilarious.
And I always love that moment at the very end of Rally when the space is totally trashed, and everyone is exhausted, happy and blowing kisses towards the Playground as they make their goodbyes.
Play with me! And comment zen for today.
If you would like to do a Revue for something and you want a place to put it, go for it.
And if you have been to a Rally and want to share favorite memories, that’s welcome too.
And if you have interest in processing a thing which has happened or favorite rituals or things you want to try, that sounds good too.
As always, we remember that this is a process, and a process is really a tiny, sweet thing, so we tread gently.
We recognize our stuff, we let other people have their stuff, we take responsibility for our experience and we don’t tell each other what to do.
Love to the rallygators (past and future!), to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.
Very Personal Ads #102: tutu tutu tutu two too
Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.
I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!
This week of rallying it up at Rally (Rally!) has completely thrown me off. I am astonished that it’s Sunday again already.
Thing 1: more action at the Frolicsome Bar.
Here’s what I want:
The Frolicsome Bar (FB) is what I call our facebook page for The Fluent Self.
It is so much more fun than I thought it would be. Ah, memories of past VPAs where I asked to get over all the internal crap that was getting in the way of setting it up to begin with…
We have 918 people there (neat!) and some lovely things happen there.
But I’d like to use it more, and have other people use it more, and have more people there. How about 82 for now to bring it to an even thousand while I figure this thing out?
Ways this could work:
Not sure.
I can do some interviewing of myself (or Slightly Future Me) to brainstorm things that might be useful or interesting to post there.
We can just experiment.
Maybe I’ll ask the people at my Kitchen Table program who are wise and creative in many ways.
My commitment.
To pay attention to what comes up when I think about this.
To not force anything. To mess around with this in a way that is curious and playful.
Thing 2: bus pass!
Here’s what I want:
I’ve been totally putting this off and I’m not sure why.
Maybe one of those things where I’m building it up to be way more complicated than it is. Or thinking that it will force me into making decisions about my plans that I don’t want to make.
Also, I kind of loathe the bus.
But it needs to happen.
Ways this could work:
Giving my internal patterns detective the job.
Doing Shiva Nata on it to find out where the stuck is and what needs to happen.
Giving myself permission to put this up here even though all my monsters are thoroughly disapproving — Are you crazy? Do you really want people to know that you can’t even get a bus pass without running into all your crap?!
I am going to make a safe room for them and another one for the part of me who is in resistance. And we will get information that will help us take the next step, whatever it is.
My commitment.
To not push.
To not apologize.
It might turn out that there’s a really good reason for this. And maybe I don’t even have to know what it is.
I’m going to acknowledge pain and stuck when I encounter it, and then sneak around the edges.
Thing 3: receptivity
Here’s what I want:
Receiving things. Not something I’m very good at.
Especially when it comes to help, support, compliments, appreciation.
I’d like some insights on this and how it could begin to change.
Ways this could work:
I don’t know.
Planting the seed here and hoping to fractal flower the hell out of it this week.
My commitment.
As someone I adore says, “patience is a virtue but being patient kind of blows.”
I’m going to have to be patient with this one but I’m hating that right now, so instead my focus is going to be on noticing. I will notice things and track them and write down what I find.
Thing 4: planning a pirate queen holiday
Here’s what I want:
Oh oh oh oh oh I want a vacation so bad I can taste it.
And now it needs to happen before it becomes Emergency Vacation time.
Nervous laughter.
Ways this could work:
I’m determined to find out!
Maybe I will run away to visit Svevo in the woods.
Maybe I will just go dark for a while.
My commitment.
To combine this work with the receptivity thing and see what comes up.
To interview the me who has done this.
To interview the me who is dead set against this.
To make peace between these various parts of me so that we can all get on board with the mission. Whoooo!
And, of course, more Shiva Nata for insights, realizations and to see what the patterns look like.
Thing 5: we have two more spots for the July Rally!
Here’s what I want:
To find the two people who will be joining us for the amazing thing that is the July Rally. Rally!
Ways this could work:
I will try to remember to tell you guys Rally stories about how incredible the last one was.
My commitment.
To love and love and love some more.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
I wanted bright fingerless gloves in a primary color for teaching Shiva Nata. And Liz, who was at Rally #9, offered to make me some. Thank you!
The second want was about teaching Shiva Nata at Derby Daze, and I completely spaced out on this. So I’m going to re-ask and think about this a little differently.
I wanted help spreading the word about my Shiva Nata snack preview sneak picnic freebie call, and there are one hundred and fifty people signed up. So thank you for helping me spread the word, and please keep helping!
And I wanted appreciation and a new pattern related to it. Still working on that one.
But you know what was neat? I do coordination and agility training (cough, Shiva Nata!) for the roller derby girls, and they are so very appreciative of what I do with them. So maybe I just need to look to other sources to find out what’s going on with this pattern. We’ll see!
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
The word “manifest”. To be told how I should be asking for things. To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Much love for your gwishes! So happy to have you doing this with me.
Friday Chicken #150: miles per hour
In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Happy one hundred and fiftieth chicken to meeeee!
Alright. It’s Friday. Let’s do this.
The hard stuff
Tired! Achy! Ow.
This week I taught Shiva Nata twice a day, did Old Turkish lady yoga every day at Rally, and still made it to dance class every day. Sometimes getting up at extreme dark thirty a.m. to do so.
All while running Rally, projectizing my projects and checking in on the business.
I want a holiday please! Please!
Yes, I have no idea who I’m supposedly asking since the person to ask is me.
So many things to do..
Projects giving birth to baby projects.
New systems needed to accommodate new growth.
The usual thing about change being overwhelming, etc etc.
People wanting things of me that I cannot give.
And one day I won’t worry about that as much as I do now.
All the stuff that doesn’t get done while something else is getting done.
Sometimes I forget about the fractal flowers and get myself into a tizzy until I remember.
Vancouver.
I love that city. So painful to watch.
The good stuff
Ohmygod Rally!
This may well have been the most fun Rally (Rally!) ever.
There were bunny-shaped cheese crackers in the motorcycle wine glasses. There were wigs and silly hats and furry legwarmers. There was bubble-blowing, stuffed-monster-fondling, hammock-napping, snacking and magic wishes.
It was pretty damn great.
Plus I got a huge amount of work done (though not on the project I thought was my project because something came up but it totally worked out perfectly).
Yay for Rally #10! Yay!
Insights.
Big ones. Big shivanautical ones.
Still processing but wow.
And new systems to match. This is the kind of thing I’m going to be thanking myself for in five years. I can feel it.
Moved up a level.
This is another one of those shivanautical results that is hard to put into words.
I went to my dance class this morning and everything made sense in a way it hadn’t before. I could move differently. I understood the choreographies differently. I had superpowers.
And that’s from breaking my brain with the insane flailing this week (we did some hilariously hard brain-algorithm-twistiness at Rally and I can really feel it).
It’s like I’m doing everything I was before but I’m two levels higher in the video game. Can’t explain it better than that but be happy with me.
Breakfast with Colleen. Yay.
The brilliant Communicatrix is one of my favorite people.
Breakfast! Colleen! Friends!
This is good.
Roller derby league finals this weekend.
I’ll be doing the shivanautical warm-up for the bad-ass ladies of Guns N Rollers and cheering my head off.
So excited!
The Whine Bar at my Kitchen Table program.
We have been writing silly poems about library fines, and it somehow makes everything better.
Presents!
Wonderful pirate-ey socks from @herchuckness. A cape for the Costumery from @mrstwigg.
Happiness.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is not from around here. At least I don’t think so. Ladies and gentleman! Let’s give a warm welcome to….
The Florida Quease
Catch them rocking out at the Meme Beach House this week. And did you know? I’s actually just one guy.
ANNOUNCEMENT!
June 30 is a shivanautical snack preview (better than a sneak preview) picnic call. No cost. Hanging out with me. And snacks.
And talking about Shiva Nata and flailing.
If you’re even slightly intrigued by the powerful, silly, crazy thing that is Shiva Nata, you are more than welcome to sign up.
And you watched the video of me in a pink wig, right? Say yes!
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
Talking to someone who has done this.
So yesterday I wrote about this weird interview that I held with myself while I was trying to figure out some business systems stuff. While rallying it up at Rally (Rally!).
And what came out of that was something about needing to make a certain kind of folder. But I didn’t want to. And also that I should talk to the me who has already done this.
Now you’re up to speed. It just gets weirder from here.
And I begin, if somewhat reluctantly.
Me: Sooooo. I’m supposed to talk to the me who has done this. Something abut making a folder. Anyway. Hi. Can you tell me what happens once we make the new folder?
She: You mean, what happens once you have committed to being in a new relationship with order?
Me: Oh, right.
She: I have an idea. Let’s turn this around. How about I interview you?
Me: Uh, I guess that’s okay.
Something about tightness.
She: What are you worried will happen when you become the person who has made peace with order… when you become me?
Me: I don’t know. I guess I’m worried that I’ll be really uptight. Not that you are. Obviously. But it seems really stressful, all that order.
She: What happens if you become uptight?
Me: I’ll keep tightening and tightening and get angrier and angrier and hurt and more hurt and then I’ll crumple and break. I’ll be like _______________.
And the opposite of tightness.
She: Then it makes sense you’d want to avoid that.
Me: Yeah. I hadn’t thought about that.
She: Is it possible — theoretically — that order could end up bringing about less tightness?
Me: It could. It definitely could. Because I wouldn’t be creating more piles. And because I could find all the information I need. That feels kind of liberating.
She: So order and tightness are not the same. Just because they were the same for [these three people from my past] doesn’t mean things have to be uptight and constricted for you.
Me: Wow. You’re right! Like what Hiro says about radiating instead of contracting. I can have order and radiance.
We need a story.
She: Tell me what will happen when you have this folder and the Anthology. Not that this necessarily has to be the solution you stick with. You have creative freedom. But imagine. Tell me like it’s a story of something that already happened.
And I thought that was stupid. But then I told her a story and everything got better.
A story about radiating and not contracting.
Once upon a time, there was a Rally. Rally!
There were many Rallies. There were ten Rallies and the pirate queen loved hosting Rally because Rally is buoyant and sparkly and filled with love.
And also Shiva Nata: mad, hilarious, laughter-filled flailing and getting intentionally wonderfully lost.
The pirate queen loved collecting all the beautiful shivanautical insights and epiphanies, and all the understandings that came from being at the Playground.
From playing with her projects instead of trying to force them to go a certain way.
Remembering. And then remembering again.
She remembered she was a secret scientist running the most outrageous and amazing experiments on the ship and throughout the entire kingdom.
Except instead of having a neat shelf full of lab books, she had a messy, overflowing lab where she could never locate her important results and findings when she needed them.
And since new experiments and hypotheses are built on previous research, she was losing valuable information and access to valuable internal treasure.
One day she remembered something else. Not only was she a pirate queen, she was also a shivanaut and a master of repatterning. Patterns were her world. She knew about patterns.
So she decided to repattern the laboratory and make it new again.
She decided the laboratory could still be a) mysterious, b) magical, c) filled with weird cauldrons, d) beautiful, e) home to delightful surprises.
AND the laboratory would now also be easy to navigate, clearly marked, ordered and patterned, with everything getting a home and a Revue.
Secret ways to navigate! No one else would see the patterns, but she would. They would be hidden code patterns, readable only to her!
The laboratory wouldn’t lose its mystique. It didn’t need to become clinical and boring.
Instead there were new and secret patterns to light the way. A system of lights and pulses for the pirate queen to follow. The lights emit a smell like freshly baked bread.
Now she knows where to go and how to get there.
And when she doesn’t know, she asks.
And when she still doesn’t know, she invents a story and follows it.
Play? And comment zen for today…
I’m still not even sure about all the other stuff that happened. There was some metaphor mousing and some moments of bing! There was some hiding in the Refueling Station and napping in the hammock.
But if you would like to join me in some of this, that would be lovely. Like asking the you who has done the thing that you are not sure about.
Or writing an unlikely bedtime story about how you solved a problem. It might even be a good way to find the counterpart of something hard.
And it might be another way to be a fox in the video game.
Anyway, I’d love some company.
As always: we work on our stuff, we let people have their own experience and we don’t tell each other what to do (unless someone asks, of course!).
Kisses from the Playground where I am about to commence with the mad flailing again. Updates to follow!
Me interviewing myself again. About systems.
A peek into notebook from Rally (Rally!). This is from yesterday.
Let’s talk
Q: Systems! I’m stuck! Let’s talk. So. What is the essence of what I want when I think about systems?
A: Order. New patterns.
Q: Why do I want this? Why do I want order?
A: Because it creates ease. And ease leads to flow.
Q: Give me an example.
A: Okay. Today you got all kinds of good shit from the stone skippings. But it’s in this random yellow legal pad, which is going to move from place to place and be depiled a million times and there will be iguanas and eventually you’ll have to type it up…
Tightness.
Q: I’m feeling all tight and anxious listening to you right now. Is that part of this too?
A: Yes. You feel tightness when there aren’t ways for things to flow. And you feel resentful when you have all this useful information and you can’t use it. And you feel frustrated when you don’t know where things are.
Q: So flow is the opposite of tightness and that is where the new systems come in?
A: Flow means change. And here’s the thing. You’re upset with yourself for making more work instead of less work but you don’t think you have the right to be upset because you don’t think this can change.
I don’t know what to do.
Q: I don’t know what to do. What do I do?
A: You think creatively. You do the types of things for yourself that you do for the Rallions and for your coaching clients.
Q: For example?
A: Like if you make a Rally Revue Anthology… and a folder with worksheets for all the capers and exercises you do at Rally, including the stone skippings. Then when you finish stone skipping, you place those pages in the anthology under Rally #10. They’ll be there for you when you need them, and you can highlight things of importance. Structure is beautiful!
Q: Structure is beautiful? Tell me more about this.
A: It just is.
Explain?
Q: But I don’t get it. Explain?
A: Like the Victorian garden. It calms you because it is ordered. There are patterns. It shows you where to go. Don’t you want to be shown where to go? I mean, you do Shiva Nata and you skip the stones to find out where to go, but then you don’t keep this information in places where you can track it. Is it because you love chaos?
Q: I do love chaos and chaos is also beautiful. So what do I do? How does this work? How do I have order and chaos at the same time?
A: You already know how to do this. You know it from Shiva Nata. Chaos and order are not in contradiction.
Q: That sounds familiar.
A: Right. It’s how Shiva Nata works. You use the chaos to take apart the old patterns, and then the new patterns, structures and forms show up. Chaos and order are both part of the process. You can’t do just one side of it or it stops working.
Q: But how do I apply this?
A: Listen. Everything you do already has elements of chaos and order. The stone skipping questions are order: they have a form and a shape that guide your thoughts and your words. But they are also chaos: once the stone is dropped, you don’t know where it’s going to go.
Q: Keep going with this.
A: The stone establishes a world. A world! A sovereign world for you to play in. And then within that world you are completely free to follow your explorations wherever they lead you. They don’t have to make sense. They just are.
But what do I do?
Q: But what do I do?
A: You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to figure anything out. You’re already doing it. You already live with both chaos and order. All you’re doing is bringing in a new pattern to replace the one that isn’t working.
Q: So what does this new pattern look like, aside from making a folder?
A: It’s about commitment.
Q: What do you mean?
A: It’s about committing to processing your stuff in a way that you can use. It’s saying yes to form and order, to living without piles, to being able to look up information.
Q: I still don’t really understand. I mean, yes. I make a folder and then my life is easier. But I’m still really resisting some element of this. What am I supposed to DO?
A: You keep asking this question even though you know it’s not the right question. So I’m going to answer it and not answer it. I will tell you what the next step is.
What’s the next step?
Q: What’s the next step?
A: Talk to the you who has done this.
Q: Done what?
A: I’m calling silent retreat on this one and let you figure it out. I’ll talk to you later.
Postscript!
I did end up talking to the me who has done this.
And I’ll post that part tomorrow…
And comment zen for today.
We share our stories and process if and when we want to. We can call SILENT RETREAT whenever we feel like it. We don’t give each other unsolicited advice. We make room for our stuff. We take responsibility for our experience. We play.
Love, as always, to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers and everyone who reads.