this is the 375th week of wishing, come play!

live

the full moon said

DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE YOUR POWER
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE YOUR STEADY GRACE

the full moon said I need to use my power and my steady grace
to live by my power and my steady grace
and to glow wild

live by the moon

I am okay with this mission,
this moonbeam mission,
it works for me
that doesn’t mean I know how to do any of this
(power and steady grace aren’t exactly things I have fully figured out yet)
just that I say yes

possible meanings of “live by the moon”

be outdoors
be outdoors more
be connected to moon times
go out and see the stars
live in a round house that is secretly a planetarium,
the one that is in my dreams

though, yes, also
to live by the moon could mean
live according to this moon wisdom
live according to these startlingly clear guidelines and instructions

what else do I know about this that I don’t know that I know?
let’s skip some stones

what do I already know about living by the moon?

cycles
repetition
ebb and flow, wax and wane
pull and the wild magic of tides as
the moon’s gravity pull on our oceans
and orbit: it swings on an orbit, like in dance
oh, and the moon has dancing dust

what do I want that the moon has?

sometimes the moon is like, HEY BEHOLD MY RADIANCE
and you gasp in awe because it is so absolutely spectacular
then at other times it’s just hanging out in the background,
half-invisible

I want that ability, to turn my shine on when it’s the time for shining
then fade into the sky when I want to be incognito

what else do I know about living by the moon?

I have wished a wish like this before
but different
in May of 2015
a wish called moon wishes about, among other things,
aligning my cycle with the moon
or really, letting those cycles do what they want, together

I have wished wishes about naming the moon
or letting the moon name itself

and recently I wrote this about Incoming Me:

Adrianna is the dark and the moon and the tides and the pull
the long slow kiss
and the moment before the moment before
and then sleeping in, surrounded by cushions
Adrianna is devoted to being,
letting things be revealed in their own time

what am I like when I live by the moon?

brave
steady
glowing
dancing
smiling
calm and still
patient
playful
creative
wild
alive

not apologetic about my intensity
not apologetic about my quiet

what does the me-who-already-lives-by-the-moon want me to know?

she:

when you see a crescent moon, there isn’t any less of the moon,
it’s just the play of light and reflection

what would I tell someone whose wish was to live by the moon?

there is nothing wrong with hiding
there is nothing wrong with glowing
there is nothing wrong with wanting both of these at once

what will help me meet the version of me who already lives by the moon?

less input
stronger force fields
more entry
get into the water
less is more

what kind of less?
this kind of less: crown on

what do I know about my wishes?

these are wishes about simplicity,
living in integrity,
aligned with [whatever is meaningful for me in this moment]
and right now that’s the moon and this
powerful set of instructions that I am
a bit hesitant to unpack
but that’s okay
I can dance around them a while longer
and trust that whatever needs to be revealed will be revealed

(this is also a wish about that)

the superpower of I Am So Very Clear

August was MUSE, with the superpower of Deep Listening, and now we are in the month of INTENTION and I Am So Very Clear

there is so much in this too that I had not anticipated: Clear Knowing, Discernment, Resonance, Transparency, all the many beautiful forms of clear

thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a wish called the wandering wish book
and everything about it was just right
it told me I needed to set a clearer trajectory
and I have

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading, including any stories you wish to let go of, any adventures you wish to welcome

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡

Idaho is pretty. 

My hips still don’t like to sit unless it’s on the grass with my notebook, so we are going to do week 374 of wishing wishes by peeking at the wishbook!

The Wandering Wishbook of Stella the Star

I wish to name my wishes, to trace the sparks of my desire…

Oh those whispered truths of 4am

What is clear?

What do I know about my wishes?

I see that I am wishing for Clarity in the form of…

• making space for my desire to make itself known
• remembering not to freak out — the clues are here!
• I want to get so clear that the obvious clues are obvious even before I ask to see them
• the path reveals itself/trust that the path is revealing itself
• clear intentions for trajectory (I may not know where I’m going or how I’m getting there but I can set a trajectory of qualities: Clarity, Intention, Trust, Glow)
• clear water, clear skies, clear headspace, less input and more intentional output, clear as a bell
• A clear view of the stars, and the ability to be aware of my own glow, my own sense of meaning inside of any given constellation in my life

Breathing for these wishes

Oh wow what beautiful wishes!

Come share yours.

As always, we keep this a gloriously safe space by meeting ourselves and each other with love, while adhering to the twin practices of not caretaking and not giving advice, assuming good intentions. Love from the road.

Hello, week: we are here.

Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

This is week 424 of this ritual, and so we chicken. Also, my hips hurt which means I can’t sit and type, so I drew the chicken instead.

What’s been working? What do I want to play with?

Taking breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical.

Superpowers?

This week I had the power of not caring about the outcome, and I want the powers of pre-emptive entry aka the ability to quickly establish strong force fields.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

It’s fine if it’s not the weekend anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

this is the 373rd week of wishing, come play!

and I’m off! (i)

this is the happy exclamation of the grand adventurer
off to be wild-and-free
somewhere new and beautiful
out there under the stars

it of course has other meanings
for example…
turning things off
I have exited the door and shut the lights
not available
there is no way to reach me
I’m done, I quit, going dark,
into the deep quiet

and I’m off (ii)

yesterday I took off for Boise, Idaho
with my four backpacks and my one-way ticket
it was the first time I haven’t felt nervous
about a big life change
just peaceful and clear
ready for whatever this is
I like it

after 131 days of being in between homes
ready for whatever new adventures await
and ready to be off
(and I’m off!)

a beautiful exit (i)

jordan gave me a ride to the airport
we danced in the car to A Long Walk
no need for words
no one planned this
just a moment of accidental angels in a constellation

a beautiful exit (ii)

I have an airport mantra that I whisper in my heart
and it makes me laugh:

I am a star and all doors open for me

all doors open for everyone at the airport
because they’re automatic doors
but I like circulating these words in me
letting them echo through the cathedral hall in my mind
wind their way through me
as I stride forward down the airport corridors
steadily crossing my imaginary finish line
feeling the rush of all doors opening just for me

naming the superpowers

what are the superpowers I want to call in or uncover
during operation wild freedom under the stars
what does a star require

what wisdom or suggestions does the me-at-the-close-of-this-chapter
have for me of right-now

what can I appreciate about the skills I have now
that allow me to be here now

stars (i)

ohmygod the stars here in Idaho
never have I seen even close to this many stars
not even when I lived in the northern negev desert
and we’d camp out in the wadi under that huge sky
thinking now about a wine bottle we buried there

stars (ii)

in the float tank I had a beautiful and startling vision
that showed me living inside of a planetarium
and there was no furniture, only a bathtub with
voluptuous curves
under the spectacular curving projected night sky
this felt exactly like that
except of course I still need a bathtub
and somewhere to put it

straight (i)

emily my sort-of-maybe-girlfriend not-a-girlfriend almost-girlfriend
from once upon a time used to make fun of me
for what she perceived to be my meandering paths
“you know, she’d say, with that laugh that I loved-loved-loved,
“or do you not know this, did you know
the shortest distance between two points
is a straight line”

but, I mean, who cares about straight,
lines or otherwise,
and who cares about whether or not the distance is shorter,
there is plenty of time and the most interesting path
is the one that draws me, not the one that has less length,
but I was so completely charmed by her
laughing happily each time she said it

when she broke up with me
there was this indescribable state of total
I don’t even know how to name it
— utter bewilderment in the face of loss? —
for months and months
life without her hand in mine and her
teasing about my unconventional trajectories
none of it made any sense

straight (ii)

last week the receptionist at my eye doctor said to me
“honey your problem is that you don’t look straight”
and I was like, wait what
I mean, come on, I feel like I successfully pull off a sort of
queer-lite low-femme probably-up-to-trouble kind of vibe
cute girls smile-flirt with me on the street
they know what’s up, they’re not slow
just not my type
(hey not everyone can be an emily)
but I definitely pass as straight too,
I’m at the very least medium-straight
so what are you even talking about

except haha it turned out she meant that
I kind of glance sideways in a way that
makes it more difficult to remove this new kind of contact lens
yes, okay, I have this sideways glance
and we are talking about my eyes
got it

and this is one of the many unsung (ha!)
benefits of being nonverbal
because that whole misunderstanding sorted itself out
in my head
which is considerably less embarrassing
than it could have been
lalala we’re good now

I am so very clear (i)

I have been obsessed with clarity lately, and all forms of clear
clearing out, clearing up, clear
like a bell
and this month’s superpower is
{I Am So Very Clear}

clearing the path so the path is clear
clear like after the rain
which is when the rainbows come out
and Awareness of Rainbows is my other superpower this month
and yes, I get how funny that is
because I didn’t mean that rainbow but of course that too because…

I am so very clear (ii)

whenever I heart-whisper my mantra of I Am So Very Clear
then Stella changes it to I Am So Very Queer
it’s her favorite joke
Stella is a star
she really is

get out and be (i)

while clearing things out in the basement storage room I found
a note from past-me
it says GET OUT AND BE HARD TO FIND

last week I wished a wish about
there are no doors for people to knock at
ahhhh yes
get out and be hard to find
this is also a wish about reducing input in all forms

get out and be (ii)

there is another meaning too though
about deep presence
and the conditions that make it possible to get out and be

that is my goal-desire for this time on the road:
get out and be

and this is hard to find
(get it? get out and be / this is hard to find)
because the game is rigged
and there is always somehow So Much To Do And Then Even More
even out in the middle of nowhere
so I need to make space for the just-being
to lovingly commit to being harder to find

what do I know about my wishes?

these are wishes of ENTERING
they’re about glow, trust, play, joy,
identity — of course, always,
and radiant boundaries
being a star among the stars
my shininess is ON and so
everything else can be off
(and I’m off!)
while I experiment with even deeper levels of quiet
even more intense commitment to my sparkliness,
and of course entirely new levels of awareness
of rainbows and everything else that asks for my
loving attention

the superpower of I Am So Very Clear

August was MUSE, with the superpower of Deep Listening, and now we are in INTENTION and I Am So Very Clear

thank you, past-me, for being such a good namer and calling this into being

last week’s wishes

last-week-me wished a wish called Inventory
not sure how I would have packed without it
but it also helped me question a lot of the intangible things in my life
and release so much more than I ever thought possible

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading, including any stories you wish to let go of, any adventures you wish to welcome

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

♡